Chronicle Section Seven:
THE ROAD TO OBLIVION
My mind was awhirl ; exhaustion crept in. Howard Johnson's on the Pennsylvania Turnpike became the assurance of a "real world" out there. Sitting in the parking lot, I am thinking: "it's all a game." These "others" are "acting" for my sake. Each person I meet is a messenger; the waitress at the lunch counter, the gas station attendant, enforce my panic by commenting: "It's a long way home alone."
Intent on getting home, I drive through the night. My thoughts span the cosmos at light speed. I think every thought possible. I had surely was or about to lose my mind. I pull over when the pain is about to rip open my skull and spine. Lying there, I wait for oblivion; relief eventually comes and I drive on. Did these others know that it's all going down the drain? What am I supposed to do?
I had to figure it out somehow! What was "I" supposed to do? I get to a phone booth and call the only person in my confidence; I call my mother. "You don't know how far down you are" was the auditory hallucination there. I ask her to call my older brother to come and get me. I could no longer drive the car. When he called the booth number, we arranged a place to meet. His wife would be with him.
When they drive up, it's still dark. Grasping for reality, I run to them with open arms. To this day, I never confessed my dilemma. All they knew is that I had flipped-out on LSD, but not that it had been a year since ingestion. In early dawn I was delivered to my mother and 15 year-old sister's apartment. There too, I was unable to confess my story, I simply collapsed in exhaustion and they let me rest.
I must have slept for a couple of days. My sister was quite alarmed. Luckily, my mother was intelligent enough not to panic and call for the guys in the white coats. She already knew of my spiritual bent, even that I had taken LSD a year earlier. But we had never really talked about that simply because I had no idea where to start and was still processing the event myself.
I say intelligent, but my mother was more than that. She was a spirit warrior herself; handicapped with polio since childhood she knew all about struggle and spirit. She raised her children with open respect for pursuit of wisdom. Supportive of my searching, she was herself a student of several traditions, namely Rosicrucian and Kahuna, as well as New Thought, Unity, Theosophy, and the like.
I am not sure that it was her interest in those occult teachings that rubbed off on me or vise versa, but we both had developed a history of investigation into the esoteric sides of the religions of the world from the Gnostics and Kabbalahists to the Sufis and Buddhists. They all spoke to our heart and mind. That should give you a clue as to my liberal, rather than fundamental mind "set" prior to LSD.
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